Strippers Strippin’ and Should Ya Be Trippin’?
|“We happen to share the same opinion on most topics, so I would LOVE to hear yours about strippers and bachelor parties. I happen to not mind them too much because I know my boyfriend well enough, BUT some things I would be uncomfortable about if it were his bachelor party and would want to discuss them without sounding too controlling. Is that even possible? Where is the line drawn between talking about what upsets you, and not going overboard that your future husband and his friends would just lie about after the party (I have seen this happen where a decent guy told his 13 male friends to tell his finance if she asks that they WENT to a strip club, versus having the strippers come to their hotel). I really would love your opinion on this! xo”
Always remember this is just me, I am not a therapist, I am a 42 year old woman with an opinion and that’s all I got. I tell personal stories only because I don’t know you personally so if something I say about me resonates with you then cool.In my opinion the fact that you are aware you could sound controlling is proof you are probably not.
I am not a big fan of the “bachelor party” idea, but like you I don’t lose sleep over it. But hell yes, you can have boundaries all over the place. Boundary it up baby! The fact that you are aware of not being controlling shows you probably aren’t. How would he feel if it were reversed? (That’s always a good way to help set up the same boundaries without it being controlling, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander mentality.)
Dang, not to rub it in, but you just reminded me of one of the many advantages of getting married for a second time to someone over 40, most of us by this age are over that concept. It really isn’t necessary. That’s a young man’s experience. (Or young woman’s experience, as most young women now have really crazy bachelorette parties as well.)
But to speak to the second part of what you said, lying is never cool. If my husband was at a party in a hotel room and strippers showed up, I would be pissed if he lied. Not because there were strippers in the room, but that he wasn’t honest.
Lack of honesty scares me. I don’t feel safe with men who lie and my hubby knows that. If you make that clear to your boyfriend he would certainly understand I am sure.
So what if my husband knowingly went to a party at a hotel room where there were strippers? He would probably be taking pictures and sending them to me. We would no doubt laugh our asses off about it all. He knows I don’t get my panties in a bunch over those sorts of things, but that is also due to the fact that I know the type of man he is. He isn’t creepy or deceptive in that way. He is almost identical to me so we have a very deep understanding of one another.
My thing is just make sure the man you are with feels truly safe telling you anything. Prove that you are not a woman who will go apeshit nuts or blow up irrationally then these kinds of things never get out of hand. If he goes to a party and strippers show up and he tells you after, be cool about it.
“Hey babe, I am not to thrilled about that idea, if that ever happens again, could you please vacate the premises?” Hopefully his reply would be, “sure”. That isn’t controlling that is just communicating how ya feel.