Choices

Choices

This one will be long. A parenting magazine asked me to comment on this topic so this is a rough draft.

It also ties into what one of you sent me privately a while back too.

A woman sent me a clip from something Gwyneth Paltrow said that has parents up in arms. She was discussing how hard it is for her to be a working mom as opposed to other moms.

Her words had the claws coming out from all over.

Her quote, “I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening. When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”

Gwyneth Paltrow being a dumbass. Saying something ridiculously idiotic.

I don’t care though. Why? In my opinion I am playing my cards better than her so no need to rub it in. I find if you are happy with your life, getting up in arms over someone else’s opinions is silly.

I could give a rats ass. I never look to actors or celebrities as a gage on what is appropriate behavior. I don’t like that notion in and of itself which is one of the many reasons I write.

I think this topic brings up a bigger issue. People comparing with others how they play their deck of cards in life.

You do this? You will lose. Unless you have already won, in which case you wouldn’t be comparing yourself anymore.

I won playing my particular deck of cards the right way for me. Because of this, I don’t compare myself to anyone.

So with that in mind, none of this pertains to me. All I can do is butt my nose in other peoples business. Which is what I guess we are all doing when discussing this controversial topic.

First to defend Gwynny dear. (I’m guessing her friends call her some cutesy name like Gwynny.)

There are very few people who do a job that cause me to be deeply humbled as truly heroic, Soldier, police officer, fire fighter as well as a few others. Everyone else be careful how much you throw Gwynny under the bus. Most jobs you pick yourself. You choose the path that leads you to the job. If you don’t like your job there are ways to get a job you like more. There is this notion that the more you suffer on your job or the harder you work, or the less you get paid, gives you rights to be held up as a working class hero.

To me, I am not sure the term is worthy of such praise.

Hard working wonderful people doing exactly what they do to pay for their families and create a life that allows them everything they need is at best noble. But is that a hero?

A person who created a family, therefore has to work certain jobs to pay for those choices?

I don’t think so.

What about the person with a cushy job, who chose not to have kids therefore has exactly the life they want. Works when they want to work, plays when they want to play, gets a job that enables them to do all of this however suites them best.

That type of person may be envied but never would be referred to as a “hero” sacrificing. In my opinion they are every bit as noble.

Because of this logic, in my mind there is no hero here. We are all simply playing our deck of cards differently. We are all deserving of feeling good about ourselves and feeling noble in our choices.

I write from home. I deserve no less respect than a mom who goes to an office all day. I deserve no more respect either. I am playing my cards my way, others play their cards their way. Both of us equally noble in our conviction to do what is best for ourselves as individuals.

So now back to my made up BFF just for the sake of this post Gwynny.

If I were dear sweet Gwynnies bud I would have kicked her ass with my friendship boot. The only point she makes any sense is that it must be hard to have a job that means you have to leave your kids for weeks on end. If I were in her shoes, I would remind myself soldiers do this all the time.

I would remind myself I am sitting in a fucking trailer, memorizing lines and hitting a few marks. (Spencer Tracy summed up acting that way so don’t get mad at me for that analogy, I’m borrowing his words.) Because of that it must be hard to reconcile that in your mind. You aren’t sacrificing time with your children to serve your country. You are sacrificing your time with your children to make movies.

I would have a hard time with that too if I were in her shoes. But the notion that her job is super difficult? She is never gonna get a lot of sympathy on that end.

The people who build the sets she acts on? Those guys and gals work their ass off. The editors on movies? They work hours she has never had to work. And those editors and set builders are replaceable so they have to work their ass off with their A game or else poof! Fired. Once principal photography starts, rarely can an actor be replaced. It costs too much. So they can act a damn fool as long as they want and everyone has to become their bitch.

But wait… before I totally throw that notion out there. Gwynny gets one more thing we all don’t have to deal with… invasion of privacy. It started by choice. But now, it’s done.

I was recently at a kids play. I notice a little girl with big huge eyes is in the audience, she was super cute and kept trying to get my sons attention, (he is a bit of a heartbreaker I must say, girls act very silly around him.) Her name was Apple and she was there with her friends.

As this little girl left the show a big guy ushers her out quickly and it was kind of creepy. I notice across the street photographers are sitting there.

I was there with my son watching his friend in this play. So was Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Apple. I left with my son and we went and had ice cream. Gwyneth wasn’t there and her daughter was rushed out and disappeared as all the other kids were having fun.

That is a price to pay I can’t even imagine. THAT must suck.
But the choice was Gwyneth’s. She made that bed and now her child must lie in it.

Just the same as a large loving family with hard working parents who have tons of bills to pay made their choice.

They too may work long hours and have difficulty juggling it all.

Yet never forget.

No one forced them to make the choice to have kids, a family, etc.

We are all just people playing our deck of cards in what way works for us.

So with all this said, as I said in the beginning. I try to stay in my business and out of others. I am happy with how I am currently playing my deck of cards. It works well for me.

I hope all of you are playing your deck of cards well too.