Guide To Great Sex
This came from a young woman, “How do I get into a good mind set to have great sex? What are the common traits women who have great sex have? I know how to do things, but I am not sure how to get my mind in the right place. I hope this makes sense. I feel disconnected. How to be sexy and enjoy sexuality at the same time. I can see or feel things that are sexy and turn me on, but I don’t understand how to just enjoy sex and sexuality.”
Deep question. I think I understand. I will take a stab at it. Remember I am not a therapist just a woman with experience.
First of all, sounds like you are in your head too much. Relax. The real answer it sounds like for you is to go past all of those thoughts. Too much debate in your head while enjoying giving or getting head doesn’t work. More on that later.
Now to be more specific.
I can’t speak for all but I know what works for me. And there are others I have heard from many a time. My friends and women on this page have all said various forms of the same things. These are just basic personality traits I see women have that are having great sex and are enjoying their sexuality to it’s fullest.
This list was put together in no particular order.
#1 Confidence. Confidence to ask, get, receive, any and all things that may float their boat and a general lack of insecurity to carry it out. This isn’t about being “great” at everything as there is no one right way to do things for every single person. We are all different and unique therefore there has to be a confidence inside that lets you know it will all get figured out.
#2 Easy Going/Adventurous. Nothing is shocking. Your lover is up for something? You are all ears. If it’s not your cup o tea, you will say so but without judgment or ridicule. Yet always be adventurous. Try things that take you out of your comfort zone. Don’t say no based on “theory’.
#4 Boundaries. Don’t do what you really don’t want to do. No people pleasing. Do it if YOU want to, not because you are feeling guilted into it.
#5 Honesty. If it’s not working, go back to #1. Have the confidence to express yourself in a caring way. Which leads to #6…
#6 Caring. Confidence doesn’t mean kicking someone in the balls, (or vagina.) If you can’t be loving or considerate when discussing or sharing what your needs are, then you are doing it wrong.
#7 Giving. If you can’t get off giving pleasure as much as you enjoy being given pleasure then stick to masturbating.
#8 Authenticity. Don’t “put on a show”. Unless you are putting on a show for the fun of it, (it’s always fun to “act” like a porn star now and then but it shouldn’t be your main go to trick.) If you are relying on ‘acting sexy’ rather than just being in the moment as your true self, you are fucked. And not in a good way.
#9 Openness/Connection. Be open to suggestions, ask for them. Want to be guided. Don’t assume everything you are doing is perfection or pathetic. Because it is neither. You are creating an experience, not out to win any awards. Be open to your mate letting you know what makes them tick with you. This in turn will help you more deeply connect which is the ultimate goal.
#10 Freedom. Freedom to be and do whatever whenever. Even though you yourself can have boundaries, your freak flag should have no boundaries. Let it fly baby. Leave your ego/fear at the door.
This all leads to a great quote from Timothy Leary that for me sums up a great sexual experience. It has little to do with actual thought, it has to do with just going for it…
“You are now about to begin… a great adventure… a journey out of your mind… You will travel far beyond familiar reality… into the level of transcendent awareness… You will leave behind you your ego… your beloved personality… which will be returned to you at the end of this voyage. The goal of this trip… is ecstasy.” — Timothy Leary.
Anyone else have anything to add? There are so many other things to add, but I will leave it for the book.