Slightly soap boxy post.
An extremely intelligent woman who is a contributor regularly to my page sent me an interesting question that I have to say I was surprised to get. She said she has a teenage daughter who is very pretty and yet this mom has a hard time getting through her daughters head how pretty she is. She wanted my “words of wisdom” on the topic because she says she has talked to her daughter until she is blue in the face. But her daughter just doesn’t see herself as pretty as she really is.
My question for you, why does your daughter need to know this? I don’t know you or your daughter so I am sure there is more to the story that I don’t know so with that in mind I will just do a hypothetical here.
If I had a teenage daughter who was extremely pretty all I would say is, “You are pretty by societies standards.” I would state this as a simple fact. Then I would say, “Watch the movie “Forest Gump, the quote he gives about money once he becomes rich is, “that’s one less thing to worry about.” but other than that it means nothing. Being pretty means nothing. What else ya got?”
In all seriousness I have said some version of this to most pretty young girls I’ve met, it usually comes out like this, “you are so physically beautiful by societies standards, I hope you spend a lifetime exploring the other things you yourself as a human being bring to the table.”
Physical appearance doesn’t bring true joy. And after all it’s not something one can even really take “credit” for. Your parents banged each other and out you came.
Or perhaps as you get older you can get a team together to help you “improve your image” and make others see you as beautiful if they hadn’t before. Case in point, Jennifer Anniston pictured here. She said herself she was considered unattractive by societies standards for years, but now she changed that perception. I doubt many people on the planet would argue she is hot as hell.
But again, so what?
That’s a team of people helping change her image however they did it. It’s still not much to take credit for personally.
As long as you can get laid if you want to, and that person can get it going for you, that really is all that matters in my opinion.
My bottom line as I said in the beginning. Why does your daughter need to know she is “pretty”?
Maybe you need to have a different type of discussion with her.
So if you have a daughter who is “pretty” by societies standards I suggest talk about it as fact, don’t dwell on it, and make it known so she can use that if need be for profit, (if she wants to model to put herself through school or travel the world, cool, nothing wrong with that,) but other than that it’s not important.
Now for you intelligence snobs that say, focus on her intelligence….
I would say that isn’t necessarily the answer either. Plenty of brainiacs out there that also get upstaged by their brain. In my opinion, education is important of course but even if your daughter isn’t a brain surgeon she is still worthy of praise.
Is she kind? Does she have a big heart? Is she loving? Is she kind even to herself?
If so, those are the traits I would compliment her with.
Those are the traits I would point out to her that I would want her to know.
But that’s just me.
Lots of super intelligent people in the world, (although many of you may argue that’s not true.) . Lots of pretty people in the world. Thanks to advances in plastic surgery and what not, there are a plethora of ways for everyone to look good by societies standards. But what I think is lacking in the world is attaboys for people who are truly kind hearted.
Anyone else have anything to add?
P.S. For those of you with boys, this goes ditto for them. I have an 11 year old biological son, and a 12 year old step son.
I say to them all the time, “Dang you guys are handsome. It’s hurting my eyeballs, get out of my face. Thank God you have so much more to offer than just that.”
Granted we have a bit of a twisted silly relationship. But the way I compliment them on their obvious good fortune in the physical genetics department isn’t something I dwell on as a superior trait. I point it out as a simple fact and then challenge them to focus on something inside of themselves that goes deeper than the flesh.