A young man wrote to me about a girlfriend he has that he wanted an older woman take on. He said she is controlling but it doesn’t bother him because he is very easy going so her way is usually fine. There was a whole long email that went on and on about her and the influence both good and bad she has had on his life. His main concern is that she is very sweet, but also very insecure. He says he often goes against his better judgment at times because he knows it may upset her and she is often pretty emotionally fragile. The man described her as… and I quote… “an angelic china doll made of porcelain with the ability to intimidate like a bull”
Here is a simple answer in my opinion on a very complex problem. If your mate has majority say on what is going on in your world, and she herself is not a completely stable person, something isn’t right. But it’s not just your mates problem, you let it happen.
If this woman is insecure, (which you said she would admit herself to being insecure and does not think highly of herself,) then note that. You are letting someone who does not like themselves run the show. When someone says they dislike themselves, listen to them. There is usually a damn good reason. I have never met a person who had really low self esteem that wasn’t smart enough to know they are potentially poisonous. It sounds like you have saint that hates herself. They are extremely dangerous. You may find yourself slowly becoming her bitch. But you also may not mind it, because maybe you like being someone’s bitch… I don’t know.
In my opinion the best relationships have two people very capable of running the show and standing up to one another. It’s certainly what I strived for and found.
Maybe others will disagree I don’t know.
Anyone out there have a different take, please feel free….
Is there someone out there that doesn’t mind being with a controlling mate, as long as they are “sweet” and or pitiful about it? (meaning you do it their way because you don’t want to upset their insecurities?)